Let's Talk "Letting Go" & Eight Ways to Help Speed Along the Process

Let's Talk "Letting Go" & Eight Ways to Help Speed Along the Process

Oct 16, 2015

Part of me is a bit of a skeptic- I constantly find myself doubting in myself, my work, where my life is going... Another part of me is a realist. Some say I should be more optimistic, but I take everything as analytical data - if things aren't improving, they most likely will not anytime soon. What was said is often what was meant, and actions always speak louder than words. At least, that's how it all goes down in my head.
Now, in some particular instances in my life, this has been exceptionally helpful. I was never optimistic that I would be something I am not (I will never be an engineer, I will never be a professor, I will never work in an office, I will never pursue math) - I can be honest with myself and acknowledge that, taking into consideration the type of person I am and the way my mind works, these professions are simply professions I will most likely not succeed in. This isn't to say I wouldn't like to pursue them - who wouldn't want to sincerely enjoy working with computers or doing research and making bank? Alas, the science that runs in my family's veins somehow chose to neglect me, and replaced itself with a lot of love for the arts (photography, music, fashion, writing, etc...)

Again, this type of 'reasoning' is helpful - in these aspects of life. But what about when it comes to people? Perhaps it is a good thing - never letting people walk all over you, knowing you can't change the way people act, and knowing when to walk away. Or does it have its negatives as well? Consistent over-analyzing is never a good thing in inter-person relationships... This has been a tricky question to answer... Personally, prohibiting any form of conflict is a priority, but that leaves my mind to wander. As I've said before, I analyse and I collect data, so, as unfortunate (yet oftentimes useful) as it is, that means slowly-slowly, I compile folders of scenarios/actions that have occurred in my mind. I easily forgive the first two-three offenses, and from then on, I believe they will not improve - especially if I have addressed the issue. After that, the more they occur, the easier it is to spot them. And what does this accomplish in the long run? Overwhelm, bitterness, and difficulty when it comes time to let things go. 

Things that fester do us no good, and I've found myself wishing I would have addressed little issues before they piled up and left me unforgiving - in which case I most likely just walk away. In turn, the feelings hold me back from moving forward, forgiving, and enjoying the remainder of my days. Old grudges shouldn't hold anyone back - that is no way to live life (especially so close to midterm season!) 

So...how can we let things that have festered, go?

1. Take some space
Surely time has healed all wounds. Remembering that a little bit of space is oftentimes incredibly healthy is an incredibly valuable concept to keep in mind. It allows us to fully process our emotions and get a bit of a break/breather from everything. It allows us to miss someone, to appreciate something, and it helps us heal. Personally, taking breaks lets me assess my emotions and ask myself "why am I so upset? what can I do to fix the issue? is this really worth dwelling upon?" After all the anger is gone, I find my mind is clear enough to answer questions and choose the next step(s).
2. Focus on what can improve in the future 
Sometimes we get so caught up in what has gone wrong or not according to plan that we forget the bigger picture - all we can do from here is focus on the future. If there is a possibility of improvement, think about (and jot down, if you like) what it is that will not let this problem arise again. How can you control what happens from here so that you don't feel upset from this again?
3. Accept that the past has happened and cannot be changed
No use at all crying over spilled milk (spilt is grammatically incorrect, guys! you're welcome:))! Acceptance is the final stage of grief, and without this step, letting go is virtually impossible. I know first hand that accepting things does not happen over night, nor does it come easily. I find myself jumping from anger, to sorrow, to denial, to bargaining, to disbelief, to "wow, I'm so done right now", and back again several times when big things occur. Until one day, I wake up - "enough is enough" I'll tell myself - and that's when I begin to heal. It's all in your mentality - when you are ready to move on and when you perceive that you are ready. This is when I accept what has happened and I convince myself (until I really believe it) that no matter how angry or upset I am, nothing will change what has already happened. The only thing these emotions affect is my future. 

4. Channel your emotions through an expressive outlet

This, I find, is exceptionally therapeutic and incredibly helpful. I channel a lot of my emotions into my photography, my writing, and my music. I find that art allows me to express and say things I would never have had the confidence to address aloud. Find what resonates with you and try to let it all out that way. (examples: dance, various forms of art, poems, afternoon strolls with your dog, meditating at a park, throwing paint at a canvas...)
5. Think about it, let yourself feel...
I've had a hard time crying these past two years. I used to truly believe that I did not have the time or energy for it. I focused so hard on bottling up emotions and feeling nothing that I forgot a valuable lesson - it's only human to have emotions. We're allowed to cry, and we're allowed to have hourly vent sessions with our close friends. Cry your heart out, but don't let it take over your life. Take a day off if you need to, and remember to put yourself in other's shoes. Everyone makes mistakes.
6. ...Then stop thinking about it
Again, no use dwelling on whats been done. Give yourself time to assess what has happened, then do everything in your power to not think about it. Overthinking things is never a good idea. All it accomplishes is more wasted time and an inability to let go.

7. Keep yourself busy
If ever I'm feeling down, this is my go-to strategy. I schedule extra time at the gym, I write extensive lists of projects and assignments I need to do. I plan outings and meetings with friends and colleagues I haven't seen in a while. The point of this isn't to stress you out or add to your overwhelm - the point is to keep yourself busy and happy so that you avoid overthinking what you've most likely overthought for a long time. 
8. Clean your home
A well organised home is a well organised mind. I find coming home to, and even sitting in, a clean home is so remedial. Organize your desk, color code your closet, donate your extra shoes, sweep and mop the floors... You'll find that the cleaner it is, the clearer your thoughts, and the more productive you are during the day. After you've cleansed your space, treat yourself to a pretty bouquet of flowers, a scented candle, and a hot cup of tea. Always a relaxing idea!

How do you cope with letting go? Let me know in the comments if I've missed something and your thoughts! And, if you'd like to see something specific, let me know what it is and I'll try to write something up! Have a happy weekend everyone!